In an effort to get to know some more people here, and to help Eirena be more socialized with little people, I took her to a playgroup our church has on Fridays. Normally the playgroup meets at a park, but as the temperature was supposed to be barely 50, the leader of the group opened her house up.
Now I need to preface what I am about to say with the fact that this mom did not act pretentious or stuffy. I don't criticize her at all.
But... they had an awful lot of toys. They have two girls, one 3 and one 1 yr old. They had an entire play room of toys, from a toy kitchen complete with play food, to books and puzzles and a little "computer/video game" thing. They had the whole toy cleaning set, broom, mop, vacuum. And they had dress up stuff and a hall closet with toys they no longer used. And don't forget the chalk board, the magnetic board, the stuffed chairs with the girls' names embroidered on them and the little play table. And then we went upstairs to the elder daughter's room. In their she had a doll house that was probably about thigh-high on me, wood, painted, lots of cool stuff in there. And dolls (all the nasty Barbie and Barbie-esque ones) plus a few animals. And outside they had a few ride-on toys and 3 swings and a slide/playhouse.
I was overwhelmed. I think Eirena was too. She has never had so many toys- we simply can't afford it and even if we could, I doubt she would have that many. Part of me feels bad after such an experience, because I realize all the things Eirena doesn't have. And then part of me wonders, does she really need all of that? Well she seems fairly happy without it all. But then I wonder, does not having a doll house or a fun kitchen set mean that she is missing out on some part of imaginative play? (She does help me in the kitchen, but many things are off limits for her safety.) I don't want to get her cheap plastic toys just so that she has a lot of toys, but are there certain things that she really should have?
Related to this, Eirena is a stay-at-home-kid. She doesn't go to daycare. I have been asked how we spend our day. Well, we get up, have breakfast, she waits until I finished my coffee and then brings her books over. We read a couple of books and then get bathed and ready for the day. (This is while Dr. Daddy is gone. We are busy getting him ready for work in the morning otherwise.) We do our grocery shopping, go to Bible study or go to the library, etc. We have lunch. Eirena "naps". Sometimes she sleeps, sometimes (like today) she is busy telling stories to her "friends". She gets up from her nap, we snuggle, read a book, go running, go to the playground or come back home and she plays in the dirt. She then either helps me cook dinner or "reads" stories to herself. Or she lines all her "friends" up to go "riding on the train" (or bus). Or colors. Or does "cooking" outside. Or colors with chalk. Or gets into mischief. ~ You get the idea.
And I wonder, how is this shaping her life, her view of the world compared to a child that has tons of toys to occupy them, or a child that is in daycare?
4 comments:
There is no substitute for an involved parent (not to say that the other parent isn't involved but ...) I wondered a lot about that too before the kids were old enough for AWANA and school. We don't have tons of toys - where would we put them in a 2 bedroom apartment full of soon to be 6 people? The kids play with a few of their toys but I could get rid of half of them without them noticing. Going and doing stuff is way more important than having a doll house. Story time at the library, bible study, playgroup ect. are all your daughter needs although I'm sure having a sibling to play with will help a lot. Any ideas how long the adoption process will take?
Well our home study is valid for one year- I think, so as far as that goes, until next January. But obviously we are hoping for sometime this year. Probably no earlier than the summer. A lot depends on when we can get the money!
I agree with Jacqui. Rebekah doesn't have a lot of toys either, and she doesn't even have a library or playgroup to go to. Sometimes I do feel kind of bad that she doesn't have more toys, but she doesn't seem to be suffering much. Ironically, some of her favorite "toys" aren't toys at all. She has a bunch of plastic containers which are surplus from my kitchen and rocks that she has collected on our walks. She puts the rocks in the containers, and has hours of fun with "toys" that I didn't pay anything for! I AM looking forward to the day when Daniel can actually play with Rebekah, although I'm sure that will have it's own set of drawbacks. =) We're still trying to figure out exactly how to give our little social bug the socialization that she seems to need. Here, almost all kids her age are already in "school." And obviously no one homeschools here, so it's not like we can get together with other homeschoolers either. But then I'm not thrilled about the idea of putting her in "real" school either.... so we'll see.
At this point, with four kids who all get birthday and Christmas presents from many loving relatives, we routinely rotate out toys to the thrift store as the new load comes in. It is totally unnecessary to have lots of toys. The babies prefer the real broom to the toy one, and the boys just want to play outside in the dirt or build with Legos/ Duplos. I think the very young child needs primarily to be socialized by an adult; once they have learned love, acceptance, and patience from a caring adult they are ready to interact nicely with peers. Children don't really play together until they reach preschool age anyway and by then Eirena will have a baby to entertain her!
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