So if you're not in the mood for deeper thoughts, pass on this post.
We all know people who have been divorced. My thoughts at this point are more about what happens after the divorce. Specifically there are two scenarios which I am thinking about.
1) You divorced and remarried before becoming a follower of Christ.
2) You married, divorced, remarried while following Christ.
I was reading Matthew the other night, when Jesus is questioned about divorce. In the NIV, this is what it says, "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
It would seem from this translation, that Jesus isn't saying that adultery is committed when you divorce, but when one remarries. Or is only when marital unfaithfulness hasn't been the cause of divorce?
(What about plain out lying about who you are? Is a pornography addiction considered unfaithfulness? What about extreme sickness? Spousal abuse?)
I know many godly people who have remarried after a divorce. What is the correct response? Do you just say, "well it is all in their past" and move on? Or is the new marriage basically considered living as unmarried? And what if the divorce WAS because of unfaithfulness? Does that just clear the slate for the non-offending spouse?
Obviously the ideal is to have a marriage work out, but realistically, that just isn't happening in the Church. So how should a Christian respond to this situation? (I mean with some sins, there is confession, repentance and "go and sin no more"... but if you remarried-first, is it a sin? and then, well, you're still to remain married, right?)
I think anyone who reads this blog (all 5 of you!) comes from different backgrounds so it would be interesting to hear each of your perspectives. If you don't want to share in the comments, feel free to email me- I'd still like to hear your thoughts.
~you never know what is going to happen next in Berji's world~
7 comments:
Ironically enough the Byzantine Church was loathe to be handed the job of exclusively marrying and burying the populace. Their reasoning was that in this case the couple wishing to remarry (after divorce or death of a spouse) could be married in the secular realm and be given penance by the Church for the sin of remarrying. After the penance was complete the couple could then re-enter the Church in full grace and blessing. Once the secular marriages were handed over to the Church it found itself in a quandary because it couldn't marry and then issue penance for the same marriage. From then on it didn't have the moral prerogative to uphold the purity of it's stance on one marriage only (even after death of spouse.
yeah, I remember reading that and finding it very interesting
Hi Jeannette! This is how I understand the Catholic position on divorce and remarriage. Any legal marriage between a man and a woman, whether Christian or not, is permanent until the death of one spouse. However, sometimes unfortunate circumstances make it impossible for the couple to continue living together, in which case the couple can separate or get a legal divorce. The couple is still considered married in God's eyes (even if they are not Christians), and so remarriage would be adultery.
However, Jesus says "except in cases of unfaithfulness." The Catholic position is that Jesus is referring to marriages at the time that went against the religious law, for example between people too closely related; in other words, marriages that were not valid to begin with. From this the Church decided to evaluate failed marriages to determine if in fact there were foundational problems in the relationship that invalidated the marriage. So an annulment is considered not a "Christian divorce," but a statement about the relationship that it was never a fully valid marriage. Some reasons might be extreme dishonesty on the part of one spouse, a complete refusal to open the marriage to children, or some other serious problem. If the annulment is given, both persons are free to remarry without committing adultery.
In the case of a couple who comes to the Church after already divorcing and remarrying, the procedure would be this. Continue living together, but refrain from receiving sacraments (including sex, which is the symbol of the sacrament of marriage) until the annulment from the previous marriage is granted. It's a hard teaching for sure, and not a popular one, especially in Western countries, but it does show the great respect the Church has for marriage.
so what happens if an annulment is not granted from the first marriage? do you just live the life without any of the sacraments?
I've wondered that too. My sense is that it is extremely unlikely that the annulment would not be granted in that situation. A couple who were not practicing the Catholic faith at the time of their first marriage probably did not know what the Catholic church believes are the elements of a Christian marriage, and therefore their first marriage was probably lacking some of those significant elements. I know annulments are not always granted, but I believe the great majority of them are.
This is a tough topic, and one my husband and I have discussed many times. I think the conclusions I've reached are a) divorce is a very sad option; rarely does anyone come out "winning," especially kids; b) God hates divorce, probably at least in part because of a; and c) divorce still happens because we live in a fallen world, sinners married to siinners, and sometimes people are in situations they deem to be intolerable. I think our response needs to be love and compassion to others who are hurting, whether still married or divorced. Where I think it would be really tough is if you were a pastor, and people were coming to you who wanted to be married a second time. In light of the passages you reference, I'm not sure the biblical response would be to unite two in marriage who have already been united to someone else . . . it's a tough topic. Good one to mull over, that's for sure.
Hey there, I realized that my second comment could be understood as saying that anyone who is not Catholic does not understand the elements of Christian marriage and may have an invalid marriage. That is not what I meant to say. I was referring to failed marriages in those circumstances. The Catholic church assumes all marriages are valid unless shown to be otherwise. When married people become Catholic, there is no procedure or blessing needed for their marriage to be considered a valid sacrament.
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