EASTON, Md, August 2, 2011—When I speak to people outside the adoption community, many are incredulous that UNICEF, the very organization that provides so much aid to children worldwide,is behind restricting inter-country adoption. On the surface it just doesn’t make sense.
To fully understand what is happening, why countries around the world – from Guatemala to Vietnam to Kyrgyzstan -- are under enormous pressure to reinvent, reduce and, in some cases, end their inter-country adoption programs, you must understand the “why” behind the “what.”
When pressed for reasons why the U.S. Department of State (DoS) and UNICEF they actively engage in closing inter-country adoption programs, the very first response from both entities is that they are protecting children. They say they are working towards an adoption system that works against child trafficking. That goal is laudable.
The safety of children, of course, is paramount and must be the cornerstone of any adoption program. I have yet to meet an adoptive family that believes otherwise. The good news is we all agree. So where’s the problem?
Ultimately UNICEF, and to a lesser extent the Department of State, are opposed to inter-country adoption, calling it a “last resort” for children. Just what is the first resort? UNICEF offers what appears to be a vague notion of social and economic justice in the world. I share their enthusiasm for creating a more just world, and, in my experience, American families who adopt from overseas tend to be more engaged in the issues of economic justice in their children’s birth countries than others. We are natural allies of UNICEF, so what’s going so wrong in relations between many adoptive parents and the organization?
The stumbling block is that unlike UNICEF adoptive parents do not believe that even a single child should be subjected to life as an orphan, serving in effect as collateral damage, as geopolitical solutions to world poverty are played out. To us, it is patently unfair for children to be held hostage, condemned to life without a family, as the world works towards peace and justice.
One would think that the primary goal of UNICEF and the U.S. would be to ensure that orphans who can be adopted are immediately adopted. The longer children stay in orphanages, the greater the damage. Tthe effects of long-term institutionalization are dire both physically and psychologically.
Elizabeth Bartholet of Harvard Law School’s Child Advocacy Program explains it this way:
“Largely deprived of the human touch as they grow up, those who survive physically are unlikely to develop emotionally and mentally in ways that will make it possible for them to relate meaningfully and happily to either human beings, or to learn or work in meaningful ways. The longer they spent in such orphanages, the less chance they will have are anything resembling normal development.”
UNICEF has been extremely effective in convincing western nations to limit inter-country adoptions. The results have been catastrophic. As a result, the number of inter-country adoptions precipitously fell and the number of orphans worldwide spiked. Recent stats put the number of orphans around 132,200,000.
Most of these orphans are institutionalized, homeless, malnourished and uneducated. They are seeking permanent, loving families –- adoptive families-- what Dr. Jane Aronson, a leader in the field of adoption medicine, calls the “gold standard” for care. Yet, UNICEF continues to assert that inter-country adoption should be a last resort, an option only when no alternative care can be found for orphans, a position that flies in the face of all we know about child welfare.
As Bartholet writes: “[T]hose placed in international adoption flourish. Those placed in infancy will do essentially as well as other children in their new country. Those placed later will do far better than they would in the absence of placement ---international adoption has been shown to overcome even very significant deficits caused by early deprivation, with the age of placement overwhelmingly predictive of the chance for a normal life."
This isn’t just what a Harvard professor says. This position also has the advantage of being common sense. But not to UNICEF, which continues to argue that children should remain in their country of origin, at almost all costs, regardless of the type of care or the quality of that care.
The U.S. has not publicly taken as direct and hard of a line as UNICEF on this particular point. However, the actions of the DoS, with its years of inter-country discussions, calls for additional moratoriums, insistence on the blanket passage of the Hague requirements even in countries where Hague requirements would all but nullify the eligibility of most orphans (such as the case in Haiti where most birth records were destroyed in the earthquake), and its refusal to assist pipeline orphans (children already matched with American families and living now for years in orphanages) has resulted in the near paralysis of international adoption.
Every child has a right to a family. That powerful statement is made by Paulo Barrozo, a professor of international law at Boston College Law School, who authored an important paper on international adoption called “The Child as a Person: A Response to ‘International Adoption, a Human Rights Approach. He argues that children have individual rights as sovereign beings entitled to become fully human within a family structure. No government or institution should, therefore, be permitted to take away this fundamental right.
But that is precisely the effect of the current stance taken by UNICEF in deciding that unparented children should not be paired with prospective parents from different backgrounds, be that country, race or culture.
Ultimately, we all agree the world should work on the very real issues of global poverty, social injustice, and infectious diseases, which are largely contributing to the number of orphans worldwide. If we don’t address these macro issues we will never reduce the numbers of orphans or their suffering. But while we are doing that, we should also be promoting micro solutions. And, yes, I know, the simple act of bringing one child into one family is far less sexy to discuss at international conferences and in geopolitical policy journals, but its every bit as important.
Somehow in the process of developing a system to eradicate child suffering the very people that system is designed to help—orphaned children—have been forgotten. It’s time for UNICEF and the U.S. Department of State to bring back a sense of moral urgency and put children ahead of politics.
Andrea is an adoptive mother and a journalist. She is at work on a book, "The Red Thread," a collection of stories told by families united through adoption. She is also the travel and food editor for the Communities at The Washington Times. She is also owner of Media Branding International, a public relations/media consulting firm.
Read more The Red Thread: An Adoptive Family Forum in The Communities at The Washington Times. Follow Andrea at Twitter @ANDPOE and @WTCLifesOnline. She can also be found on LinkedIn.
~you never know what is going to happen next in Berji's world~
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Adoption
Here is a response to UNICEF's proposals that essentially are trying to end international adoptions:
Thursday, February 10, 2011
A little bit of honesty
You may wonder why I don't post as frequently as I used to (or maybe you didn't notice). You may wonder why most of my stories involve Eskil or Eirena and not Adisu. The honest truth is, he still isn't much fun to be around and he is emotionally draining to the point that I often don't have the emotional energy to blog. There. I said it. (I realize this doesn't come as a great surprise to some of you.)
We have been seeing a counselor with Adisu to try and work on his attachment disorder and anger issues. Or maybe it is to help us parent him better inspite of himself. If it is the former I doubt it is working. If it is the latter, I think it is working. But Adisu's behavior has also changed. Many adoption books talk about the outright disobedience and defiance when a child first comes home. We didn't have that so much. We had the passive-aggressive control battles and unresponsiveness. (In some ways that is one step further away from attachment.) But only now, over a year later, are we starting to get some blatant defiance. After mentioning this to our counselor, he suggested that it is actually a move in the right direction because Adisu is feeling safe enough to defy us. And that means coming up with some new parenting strategies.
To help with that I was googling "attachment disorder" again trying to re-read tips and tricks for the new level we're at. I came across this website that I felt was a wonderful description of Adisu and most of his behaviors. (Feel free to read it if you're into child psychology at all. ) It also gave suggestions on how to parent with AD children's issues. Some we knew and implemented already, some worded things in a different way to make them more accessible to us. In the end though, what he (and we) need is time (and prayer). Attachment Disorder isn't cured overnight, or in many instances, one year or two... and in some resilient children even three (or more!). It is hard. It is exhausting. It is frustrating beyond belief. It opens you up for criticism from all kinds of people- well intentioned and just plain nosy. And to some extent, I understand... if I didn't experience this first hand, I would find it hard to believe too.
But Dr. Daddy and I know that God has called us to this. That he wants us to parent this child. That he is transforming us, humbling us, refining us. And while things are tiring there are still things of beauty in our lives, be it friends that come along aside and encourage us; ask us to go out for coffee; people that pray and ask for specifics on how to pray; Dr. Daddy putting the kids to bed so I can go work out; and Eirena and Eskil being fairly laid back and adding a lot of humor into our lives. It just means that there isn't a lot of fun to write about with Adisu- yet. But love hopes and perseveres so maybe one day ...
We have been seeing a counselor with Adisu to try and work on his attachment disorder and anger issues. Or maybe it is to help us parent him better inspite of himself. If it is the former I doubt it is working. If it is the latter, I think it is working. But Adisu's behavior has also changed. Many adoption books talk about the outright disobedience and defiance when a child first comes home. We didn't have that so much. We had the passive-aggressive control battles and unresponsiveness. (In some ways that is one step further away from attachment.) But only now, over a year later, are we starting to get some blatant defiance. After mentioning this to our counselor, he suggested that it is actually a move in the right direction because Adisu is feeling safe enough to defy us. And that means coming up with some new parenting strategies.
To help with that I was googling "attachment disorder" again trying to re-read tips and tricks for the new level we're at. I came across this website that I felt was a wonderful description of Adisu and most of his behaviors. (Feel free to read it if you're into child psychology at all. ) It also gave suggestions on how to parent with AD children's issues. Some we knew and implemented already, some worded things in a different way to make them more accessible to us. In the end though, what he (and we) need is time (and prayer). Attachment Disorder isn't cured overnight, or in many instances, one year or two... and in some resilient children even three (or more!). It is hard. It is exhausting. It is frustrating beyond belief. It opens you up for criticism from all kinds of people- well intentioned and just plain nosy. And to some extent, I understand... if I didn't experience this first hand, I would find it hard to believe too.
But Dr. Daddy and I know that God has called us to this. That he wants us to parent this child. That he is transforming us, humbling us, refining us. And while things are tiring there are still things of beauty in our lives, be it friends that come along aside and encourage us; ask us to go out for coffee; people that pray and ask for specifics on how to pray; Dr. Daddy putting the kids to bed so I can go work out; and Eirena and Eskil being fairly laid back and adding a lot of humor into our lives. It just means that there isn't a lot of fun to write about with Adisu- yet. But love hopes and perseveres so maybe one day ...
Friday, December 31, 2010
The Snack Box
A common tip for parents of children adopted from poverty where lack of food was likely is to create a steady source of food for the child. There are a myriad of ways of implementing this from having a bowl of fruit always out to letting the child carry a packet of crackers in his pocket all the time. It is meant to be an assurance that there always will be food- just in case and also to nip behavior problems that might stem from feeling a bit peckish.
We always have fruit in the house and the kids could always ask for a piece of fruit if they were feeling snackish, but they rarely did. We did not give Adisu a personal snack item to carry around for a variety of reasons.
But things change and now we find ourselves at a stage of giving both Eirena and Adisu a snack box. They don't have to ask to eat from it (but they do need to sit up at the table so as not to create a trail of crumbs and vermin). It has simple (boring) snacks in it like banana chips, puffed millet and roasted edamame.
So far Adisu is eating from it about every two hours. It is hard to say whether he is testing its constant availability or feeling a void. (I'm pretty sure he isn't eating out of physical hunger.) Eirena is less interested (as we expected). One night she picked her way through her dinner and then ravaged her snacks but most of the time she is pretty happy just waiting for dinner.
I'm not entirely sure what success or failure looks like with the snack box. I certainly don't expect it to cure all behavior problems but it will be good if Adisu learns to trust a little more through it. Learning self- regulation with food would be good too.
Adoption tends to take your "normal" life and turn it upside down and you end up doing things you never thought you would need to do. This is just a minor example of a change we've made because of adoption.
We always have fruit in the house and the kids could always ask for a piece of fruit if they were feeling snackish, but they rarely did. We did not give Adisu a personal snack item to carry around for a variety of reasons.
But things change and now we find ourselves at a stage of giving both Eirena and Adisu a snack box. They don't have to ask to eat from it (but they do need to sit up at the table so as not to create a trail of crumbs and vermin). It has simple (boring) snacks in it like banana chips, puffed millet and roasted edamame.
So far Adisu is eating from it about every two hours. It is hard to say whether he is testing its constant availability or feeling a void. (I'm pretty sure he isn't eating out of physical hunger.) Eirena is less interested (as we expected). One night she picked her way through her dinner and then ravaged her snacks but most of the time she is pretty happy just waiting for dinner.
I'm not entirely sure what success or failure looks like with the snack box. I certainly don't expect it to cure all behavior problems but it will be good if Adisu learns to trust a little more through it. Learning self- regulation with food would be good too.
Adoption tends to take your "normal" life and turn it upside down and you end up doing things you never thought you would need to do. This is just a minor example of a change we've made because of adoption.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
One Year
A year ago today we met our second child. We were pretty nervous about how the meeting would go, wondering what Adisu would be like and how he would react to leaving the foster home/orphanage and getting in a van with strangers. We ate breakfast and then waited for the van to come get us. There was another couple who were also getting their son that day. Finally the van came. We piled in and drove for about 15-20 minutes to the orphanage.
The gates opened and in the van pulled. Children everywhere. We looked for a child that would resemble the few pictures we had of Adisu. There were a lot of boys, all eager for attention. We looked past them. And standing there, off to the side, looking at all the activity was a tiny little boy. Dr. Daddy and I looked at each other and nodded, yes, that must be him. With Eirena holding my hand, we approached him. I got down on my knees and introduced sister and brother. Eirena was instantly excited and held his hand. His face was void of emotion. The other family had met their son, changed him out of his orphanage clothes (they leave those behind for other children) and were carrying him around, smiling and talking.
I picked Adisu up and held him. He didn't seem to care at all. The nurse told me that he was sick but assured me that normally he was a happy, lively little boy. I carried him as I tried to look around the orphanage to see what his home had been like. Dr. Daddy was busy taking pictures of the children for their prospective families and distributing the treats we had brought for the remaining children. Adisu said nothing, did nothing the whole time. We got some pictures of Adisu with his caregivers. They tried to get him to smile for the camera. No luck.
When we got back to the guesthouse he followed us upstairs to our room. He was still clutching the lollipop we had given him, not eating it, just holding it in his hand. I helped him unwrap it and tried to convince him to eat it. He took a few licks but wasn't really interested in it. Dr. Daddy ran over to a pharmacy to get him some medicine. At lunch he just sat. He didn't want to eat. Didn't want to communicate. The other boy was chattering away, not that his parents could understand, and eating everything in sight. Adisu did none of this. He didn't want to play with the toys we got for him, didn't want to interact with us or Eirena or the guesthouse workers. We hoped that once the fever was gone he would perk up. For all the reading we did on the first few days of meeting your child, we expected rage or frenzied (stressed) activity or "honeymoon bonding" perhaps. But no one mentioned near catatonic shut down. It was two days before we saw a smile from him.
In truth, we have all come a very long way since that day one year ago. But it has been far from easy for any of us. In a perfect world, there would be no adoption. The fact that there is adoption points to the brokenness of our world. You're taking a very broken child and trying to help make him whole, all the while realizing your own fallibleness. We have come a long way. We still have so far to go.
The gates opened and in the van pulled. Children everywhere. We looked for a child that would resemble the few pictures we had of Adisu. There were a lot of boys, all eager for attention. We looked past them. And standing there, off to the side, looking at all the activity was a tiny little boy. Dr. Daddy and I looked at each other and nodded, yes, that must be him. With Eirena holding my hand, we approached him. I got down on my knees and introduced sister and brother. Eirena was instantly excited and held his hand. His face was void of emotion. The other family had met their son, changed him out of his orphanage clothes (they leave those behind for other children) and were carrying him around, smiling and talking.
I picked Adisu up and held him. He didn't seem to care at all. The nurse told me that he was sick but assured me that normally he was a happy, lively little boy. I carried him as I tried to look around the orphanage to see what his home had been like. Dr. Daddy was busy taking pictures of the children for their prospective families and distributing the treats we had brought for the remaining children. Adisu said nothing, did nothing the whole time. We got some pictures of Adisu with his caregivers. They tried to get him to smile for the camera. No luck.
When we got back to the guesthouse he followed us upstairs to our room. He was still clutching the lollipop we had given him, not eating it, just holding it in his hand. I helped him unwrap it and tried to convince him to eat it. He took a few licks but wasn't really interested in it. Dr. Daddy ran over to a pharmacy to get him some medicine. At lunch he just sat. He didn't want to eat. Didn't want to communicate. The other boy was chattering away, not that his parents could understand, and eating everything in sight. Adisu did none of this. He didn't want to play with the toys we got for him, didn't want to interact with us or Eirena or the guesthouse workers. We hoped that once the fever was gone he would perk up. For all the reading we did on the first few days of meeting your child, we expected rage or frenzied (stressed) activity or "honeymoon bonding" perhaps. But no one mentioned near catatonic shut down. It was two days before we saw a smile from him.
In truth, we have all come a very long way since that day one year ago. But it has been far from easy for any of us. In a perfect world, there would be no adoption. The fact that there is adoption points to the brokenness of our world. You're taking a very broken child and trying to help make him whole, all the while realizing your own fallibleness. We have come a long way. We still have so far to go.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Inspiration... maybe
Adisu has trouble thinking of things to do. Very frequently I find him just standing in the room, letting life pass him by. It is not for a lack of toys or activities but I suspect has a lot to do with developmental delays (emotional), orphanage life and orneriness combined. Daily I find myself reminding him that he is just standing there and asking him to be actively involved in life. Then he usually just chooses the same activity ad nauseum.
Not wanting to turn this into a confrontation or control issue has made it frustrating for me. But last night I came up with an idea. I found pictures of various activities he can do at home- painting, kicking a ball, playing with blocks, etc. I think I covered just about everything. I printed them up. Next step is to cut and laminate (just for durability). When I find him passively standing, I can tell him to pick a card out of the box and do the activity. Will it work? I hope so! We'll see...
Not wanting to turn this into a confrontation or control issue has made it frustrating for me. But last night I came up with an idea. I found pictures of various activities he can do at home- painting, kicking a ball, playing with blocks, etc. I think I covered just about everything. I printed them up. Next step is to cut and laminate (just for durability). When I find him passively standing, I can tell him to pick a card out of the box and do the activity. Will it work? I hope so! We'll see...
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
is she living in our house?
There is a blogger, Kristen, who has a great blog title "Rage against the minivan". Awesome. She has adopted two children and has two bio children as well. And many of her descriptions of her adventures in adoption (particularly with the most recent one) are well.... quite similar to what we are experiencing.
This is the latest post that I read and had to forward on Dr. Daddy with the "this sounds like our house!" sort of email.
The Swagger
This is the latest post that I read and had to forward on Dr. Daddy with the "this sounds like our house!" sort of email.
The Swagger
Monday, May 24, 2010
God's perfect adption
Over the past year, but more specifically the past 6 months, I have had quite the opportunity to reflect on our adoption by God, learning how amazing God's love is for us.
We adopted Adisu in August and brought him home in November of 2009. So he has lived with us as his parents for 6 months. In one sense he acknowledges us as his parents. He calls us "mommy" and "daddy". But in another sense he is not securely attached (to use the technical term) to us. He is still waiting, keeping his options open.
In other words, he doesn't fully accept us as his parents. He doesn't desire and long for us as his parents. He hasn't let himself fully explore the wonders of having a family and being a fully communing member of our family. He sort of stays on the edges. He does what it takes to get what he feels his needs are, but fully yielding... letting himself be vulnerable to love, no not yet. He likes to try to exert control over us. He wants to do things his way and show that he doesn't really need us. We are teaching him that in fact, all good things basic to life come from (or through) us, because we are his parents. We are teaching him that is fun to be part of a family. From six months ago, I think we have made considerable progress, but we're not fully attached yet.
I freely admit that we have made mistakes in our teaching him these things. We are learning. So is he. And so through adopting him I see myself as a child adopted by God, unwilling to fully trust Him. And I see how utterly amazing God's grace is, in that while I resist, I want to do things my way, he still loves me. I can be utterly obnoxious and he may discipline me, but he does not send me back to where I came from. He longs for the day when I truly live and act like a part of his family; when I desire that intimacy rather than am frightened by it. No matter how many times I run away, he is ready to forgive.
I look at Adisu and I see myself in so, so many ways. I look at God as my father and I see how much I have been given as his child. I look at myself as Adisu's mother and see how far I have to go in showing God's love to him. I look at God as my adoptive father and see his grace.
I fear I'm not expressing this very cogently. But trust me, it is an amazing thing to ponder, especially when you have a current example in your life.
We adopted Adisu in August and brought him home in November of 2009. So he has lived with us as his parents for 6 months. In one sense he acknowledges us as his parents. He calls us "mommy" and "daddy". But in another sense he is not securely attached (to use the technical term) to us. He is still waiting, keeping his options open.
In other words, he doesn't fully accept us as his parents. He doesn't desire and long for us as his parents. He hasn't let himself fully explore the wonders of having a family and being a fully communing member of our family. He sort of stays on the edges. He does what it takes to get what he feels his needs are, but fully yielding... letting himself be vulnerable to love, no not yet. He likes to try to exert control over us. He wants to do things his way and show that he doesn't really need us. We are teaching him that in fact, all good things basic to life come from (or through) us, because we are his parents. We are teaching him that is fun to be part of a family. From six months ago, I think we have made considerable progress, but we're not fully attached yet.
I freely admit that we have made mistakes in our teaching him these things. We are learning. So is he. And so through adopting him I see myself as a child adopted by God, unwilling to fully trust Him. And I see how utterly amazing God's grace is, in that while I resist, I want to do things my way, he still loves me. I can be utterly obnoxious and he may discipline me, but he does not send me back to where I came from. He longs for the day when I truly live and act like a part of his family; when I desire that intimacy rather than am frightened by it. No matter how many times I run away, he is ready to forgive.
I look at Adisu and I see myself in so, so many ways. I look at God as my father and I see how much I have been given as his child. I look at myself as Adisu's mother and see how far I have to go in showing God's love to him. I look at God as my adoptive father and see his grace.
I fear I'm not expressing this very cogently. But trust me, it is an amazing thing to ponder, especially when you have a current example in your life.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Our colorful family
One of the things that you (obviously) should consider before adopting a child of a different race than you, is how that will affect your family. Of course you can't really predict who will say what to you when, but you do learn to be a little prepared.
Since bringing Adisu home, most Caucasians have assumed he is adopted or a foster child. (There was one ignorant comment about getting some extra Christmas spending money by taking him. Truly ignorant.) By far the most pointed attention we have received about him has been from African-Americans. At the park one day a bunch of girls asked me who he was and then whispered it back and forth to each other. Another time a little African American boy just kept watching and watching us. And yesterday an elderly man started up a conversation with us on the bus, lauding us for taking Adisu in, asking all sorts of questions about him and calling him his little brother. It is all very interesting and I always wonder what they are really thinking.
Somehow they seem to know he isn't African-American as they are. Are they more or less accepting because he is from Africa? Does it make a difference? We will probably never know. But it sure does make family outings just a little more interesting.
Since bringing Adisu home, most Caucasians have assumed he is adopted or a foster child. (There was one ignorant comment about getting some extra Christmas spending money by taking him. Truly ignorant.) By far the most pointed attention we have received about him has been from African-Americans. At the park one day a bunch of girls asked me who he was and then whispered it back and forth to each other. Another time a little African American boy just kept watching and watching us. And yesterday an elderly man started up a conversation with us on the bus, lauding us for taking Adisu in, asking all sorts of questions about him and calling him his little brother. It is all very interesting and I always wonder what they are really thinking.
Somehow they seem to know he isn't African-American as they are. Are they more or less accepting because he is from Africa? Does it make a difference? We will probably never know. But it sure does make family outings just a little more interesting.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
happy new year
2010 has barely begun and already I feel like it is nuts.
Yesterday we got up early to drive to Houston. There is an international adoption clinic there and we were going to have Adisu evaluated and also have a more thorough blood and other specimen work up done.
This is the part where I winge for a moment, skip on if you don't want to read it.
So Dr. Daddy was driving along very nicely through small towns, slowing down for slower speed limits etc. We passed a police car in the middle of the road, and then pulled up to the traffic light. After the light turned green, the police car pulls us over. The officer gets out and asks for Dr. Daddy's license and insurance. As he's getting it out, he asks what was the matter. The policeman says that our vehicle inspection expired. "What? we renewed our registration", we said, "see, there is the sticker". Oh no, not the registration, the inspection. Two different things, two different expiration dates, and one you get a reminder in the mail for, the other... well you just have to know that this is done. So while he is explaining this to us, he is checking the kids' carseats, because he was certain they weren't buckled in. We finally convinced him that we in fact have this fancy "new" technology called the LATCH system which allows you to anchor carseats without using the seat belt. (Too bad, he could ticket us for that.) Then he went and gave us not a warning, but a citation for not having the vehicle inspected. Any attempts at reason or grace were futile. On the ticket it clearlysays that we were going the posted speed and nothing else was wrong. So he obviously saw us drive by, sat behind us at the light and ran our plates, looking to pull us over. (The obsessive checking of the car seats seemed further evidence of that.) GAH! I admit, we didn't have our vehicle inspected. That is because we moved here from AZ and in AZ when you renew your registration, you have to have the vehicle inspected at the same time. You cannot in fact, renew your registration without the inspection. I assumed it was the same, and if there wasn't such a notification of that, then they don't require an annual inspection here. Bummer...
Anyway, on to the hospital... I took Eirena to the park while Dr. Daddy took Adisu to the doctor. According to her tests of skill level in fine and gross motor development she figures that he is probably around the age of 4-6 yrs. with signifcant delays in speech and language and possibly mental development. A bit shocking to say the least. But apparently he was doing things for her that we had never seen him do before, but are more on a kindergarten level than that of a toddler. So now we're wondering if we should change his age up or not, and how that would affect family dynamics, but if we don't, will he be the poor kid going through puberty earlier than everyone else? Also, I don't know anything about the child development levels and skills of 4-6 year olds to know what to expect and not expect from him. So obviously I have more reading to do- before the Wee One shows up.
This morning I had another prenatal appointment. All is good still, but appointments are now on a weekly basis, reminding us of closeness of the due date. And that reminds us of all that we need to procure to be ready for this new little one.
Yesterday we got up early to drive to Houston. There is an international adoption clinic there and we were going to have Adisu evaluated and also have a more thorough blood and other specimen work up done.
This is the part where I winge for a moment, skip on if you don't want to read it.
So Dr. Daddy was driving along very nicely through small towns, slowing down for slower speed limits etc. We passed a police car in the middle of the road, and then pulled up to the traffic light. After the light turned green, the police car pulls us over. The officer gets out and asks for Dr. Daddy's license and insurance. As he's getting it out, he asks what was the matter. The policeman says that our vehicle inspection expired. "What? we renewed our registration", we said, "see, there is the sticker". Oh no, not the registration, the inspection. Two different things, two different expiration dates, and one you get a reminder in the mail for, the other... well you just have to know that this is done. So while he is explaining this to us, he is checking the kids' carseats, because he was certain they weren't buckled in. We finally convinced him that we in fact have this fancy "new" technology called the LATCH system which allows you to anchor carseats without using the seat belt. (Too bad, he could ticket us for that.) Then he went and gave us not a warning, but a citation for not having the vehicle inspected. Any attempts at reason or grace were futile. On the ticket it clearlysays that we were going the posted speed and nothing else was wrong. So he obviously saw us drive by, sat behind us at the light and ran our plates, looking to pull us over. (The obsessive checking of the car seats seemed further evidence of that.) GAH! I admit, we didn't have our vehicle inspected. That is because we moved here from AZ and in AZ when you renew your registration, you have to have the vehicle inspected at the same time. You cannot in fact, renew your registration without the inspection. I assumed it was the same, and if there wasn't such a notification of that, then they don't require an annual inspection here. Bummer...
Anyway, on to the hospital... I took Eirena to the park while Dr. Daddy took Adisu to the doctor. According to her tests of skill level in fine and gross motor development she figures that he is probably around the age of 4-6 yrs. with signifcant delays in speech and language and possibly mental development. A bit shocking to say the least. But apparently he was doing things for her that we had never seen him do before, but are more on a kindergarten level than that of a toddler. So now we're wondering if we should change his age up or not, and how that would affect family dynamics, but if we don't, will he be the poor kid going through puberty earlier than everyone else? Also, I don't know anything about the child development levels and skills of 4-6 year olds to know what to expect and not expect from him. So obviously I have more reading to do- before the Wee One shows up.
This morning I had another prenatal appointment. All is good still, but appointments are now on a weekly basis, reminding us of closeness of the due date. And that reminds us of all that we need to procure to be ready for this new little one.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
We're home! All of us!
On November 7th we boarded a plane to Ethiopia to bring home Adisu. A week after meeting him, he is home with us. The day we met him, Tuesday, he was a very sick little guy with a high fever and some sort of upper respiratory infection. We suspect he was also pretty shell-shocked at all the change going on, so we didn't hear a peep, see a smile or a tear or any response for about 2 1/2 days. Finally on Thursday he perked up and by the time we left Ethiopia we discovered the silly, mischievousness of his personality. He can be quite a chatterbox when he's feeling secure, loves to kick to ball around and is very inquisitive about life.
At the foster home, with the different care givers
Meeting big sister Eirena, Tuesday
Back at the guesthouse reading a train book with Dr. Daddy and Eirena
Warming up to us, Thursday
Showing us his goofy side, SundayFriday, November 6, 2009
The Beauty of Adoption
Adoption has been on my mind a little bit recently. So has pregnancy, and doing them both simultaneously has given a chance to reflect on something: adoption brings people together. I'm sure you're stunned by my profundity. But let me explain.
Although I do believe getting pregnant is pretty amazing given all the odds against it, there is a certain ordinary-ness to it. People are happy for you, excited at the new life, but it normally doesn't bring communities together. With our adoption experience, we went in pretty much only knowing that this was what God would have us do. We certainly didn't know how we would afford it. Our agency walked us through each step very nicely, but that doesn't pay the bills. We figured we would apply for grants after taking out a personal loan. And we got rejected for each and every one of them. We could either get bitter about it, despair for how we would pay for everything and mistrust God, or we could simply accept that, affirm our trust in God, his timing and his ways. He provided in AMAZING ways. Ways we did not expect. People gave that we totally did not think (or expect) to help out have incredibly generously. Friends and family.
But also, our church. We have not been members for even a year at our church. We did not want to go begging for money, but somebody (the senior pastor) told us to ask about it. Well we were still holding out hope on the more anonymous-and-therefore-less-humbling grants option, but we decided to inquire anyway. The church did not know that we did not get any of the grants we applied to. But they did know our estimated costs of adoption and, (the humbling part) our budget. The leaders opened up to the congregation the opportunity to help pay for our travel. We have been immensely blessed.
Wonderful as that is, even more encouraging has been the fact that now that people know about our adoption, they are praying for us. They have asked us how it is going. There was even one mother who saw me at Costco and stopped to pray right there with me. People have given generously for the fost home that Adisu is living in now. Those children living there now, and many subsequent ones will be well clothed because my Bible Study provided two duffel bags FULL of clothes for the kids.
But what I think is the best part of it all is, that people in the church know the church is serious when it says it support life. Children who were in the service are hearing about adoption, seeing people who actually go through it. And other couples are considering it to. I know God doesn't call everyone to adopt, but he does call us all to take care of the orphans. I love the fact that our church, friends and family have all participated in that call, not just for Adisu, but also for other children too.
Although I do believe getting pregnant is pretty amazing given all the odds against it, there is a certain ordinary-ness to it. People are happy for you, excited at the new life, but it normally doesn't bring communities together. With our adoption experience, we went in pretty much only knowing that this was what God would have us do. We certainly didn't know how we would afford it. Our agency walked us through each step very nicely, but that doesn't pay the bills. We figured we would apply for grants after taking out a personal loan. And we got rejected for each and every one of them. We could either get bitter about it, despair for how we would pay for everything and mistrust God, or we could simply accept that, affirm our trust in God, his timing and his ways. He provided in AMAZING ways. Ways we did not expect. People gave that we totally did not think (or expect) to help out have incredibly generously. Friends and family.
But also, our church. We have not been members for even a year at our church. We did not want to go begging for money, but somebody (the senior pastor) told us to ask about it. Well we were still holding out hope on the more anonymous-and-therefore-less-humbling grants option, but we decided to inquire anyway. The church did not know that we did not get any of the grants we applied to. But they did know our estimated costs of adoption and, (the humbling part) our budget. The leaders opened up to the congregation the opportunity to help pay for our travel. We have been immensely blessed.
Wonderful as that is, even more encouraging has been the fact that now that people know about our adoption, they are praying for us. They have asked us how it is going. There was even one mother who saw me at Costco and stopped to pray right there with me. People have given generously for the fost home that Adisu is living in now. Those children living there now, and many subsequent ones will be well clothed because my Bible Study provided two duffel bags FULL of clothes for the kids.
But what I think is the best part of it all is, that people in the church know the church is serious when it says it support life. Children who were in the service are hearing about adoption, seeing people who actually go through it. And other couples are considering it to. I know God doesn't call everyone to adopt, but he does call us all to take care of the orphans. I love the fact that our church, friends and family have all participated in that call, not just for Adisu, but also for other children too.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Time
By this time next week, (if all goes as planned) we will be meeting Adisu and taking him to the guest house with us. Eirena will be a big sister in practice, not just name.
By this time in two weeks, (if all goes as planned) we will be back here fighting jet lag and adjusting to life together.
There are a lot of changes that will be taking place in our family in the next two weeks!
By this time in two weeks, (if all goes as planned) we will be back here fighting jet lag and adjusting to life together.
There are a lot of changes that will be taking place in our family in the next two weeks!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
A date!
Hurray! Praise God!
We have an Embassy appointment date! Please mark November 12th on your calendar (and the 11th because Addis is ~8 hours ahead of the U.S.- depending on where you live) and PRAY like crazy that all things pass just fine. [The appointment is for the US Embassy to scrutinize us (especially our income) to make sure that we can afford to bring an immigrant into the country.]
We are now in the process of seeking out the cheapest tickets, and getting more forms filled out, etc.
We have an Embassy appointment date! Please mark November 12th on your calendar (and the 11th because Addis is ~8 hours ahead of the U.S.- depending on where you live) and PRAY like crazy that all things pass just fine. [The appointment is for the US Embassy to scrutinize us (especially our income) to make sure that we can afford to bring an immigrant into the country.]
We are now in the process of seeking out the cheapest tickets, and getting more forms filled out, etc.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Adoption update
Well, we still don't have a travel date. That's the "bad" news. [I have to believe that it is only "bad" from our perspective here and now, but trust that God has a better timing for us.]
The good news, is that Adisu now has his birth certificate, passport and a cleared TB test. So now all we're waiting on is an appointment from the US Embassy. We thought we would have that confirmed last Wednesday. That got moved to Friday, and now to Tuesday (tomorrow). Maybe.
It is kind of like thinking that you're going into labor any day now and you're feeling the strong contractions and all, but then when you get almost to the point of heading over to the birthing place, they peter out. Except that this has been happening for close to 1 1/2 months now.
And we're starting to wonder if Eirena has an imaginary brother named Adisu that she has created after hearing about this little brother in Ethiopia for so long.
The good news, is that Adisu now has his birth certificate, passport and a cleared TB test. So now all we're waiting on is an appointment from the US Embassy. We thought we would have that confirmed last Wednesday. That got moved to Friday, and now to Tuesday (tomorrow). Maybe.
It is kind of like thinking that you're going into labor any day now and you're feeling the strong contractions and all, but then when you get almost to the point of heading over to the birthing place, they peter out. Except that this has been happening for close to 1 1/2 months now.
And we're starting to wonder if Eirena has an imaginary brother named Adisu that she has created after hearing about this little brother in Ethiopia for so long.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Hurray!
First of all, Eirena is on the mend. The obvious implication of that statement is that she was sick. She woke up Friday morning feverish and lethargic. Same with Saturday and Sunday. Today she woke up with no fever, which of course, is when the doctor's office was open. I took her in anyway, just to make sure she is on the mend and it was nothing more than a flu- I didn't really think she had swine flu. The doctor only talked to Eirena, didn't ask me about her sick history and then pronounced her fine, no flu. I had to ask what was wrong, and he assumed it was just a cold. Just a cold? With a temperature that went up to 103 and no snot or cough? I remain suspicious. (We will in fact be switching doctors shortly because if you walk out of the doctor's office annoyed and suspicious about their care and diagnosis, it probably isn't a good situation.) But anyway, Eirena seems to better and for that we are very glad.
Second hurray- Adisu finally has a birth certificate! This is a big step as all of his other paperwork hinges on getting a birth certificate. There had been some software issues hindering the process, but now things seem to be moving forward again. We still don't have a travel date set, but we're a little bit closer now.
Third hurray- well it isn't hurray exactly, but just so the Wee One doesn't get left out, we can see him/her kicking and punching from the outside now. That's pretty fun. It is more amusing than uncomfortable at this stage.
Second hurray- Adisu finally has a birth certificate! This is a big step as all of his other paperwork hinges on getting a birth certificate. There had been some software issues hindering the process, but now things seem to be moving forward again. We still don't have a travel date set, but we're a little bit closer now.
Third hurray- well it isn't hurray exactly, but just so the Wee One doesn't get left out, we can see him/her kicking and punching from the outside now. That's pretty fun. It is more amusing than uncomfortable at this stage.
Friday, September 18, 2009
more waiting
You may (or may not) be wondering what the story is with us leaving for Ethiopia. We sort of are too. :)
But yesterday through a phone conversation with our case worker it became clear that short of a miracle, a really large miracle, we won't be leaving in September to bring Adisu home. The U.S. Embassy changed some rules and there are a couple more steps of paperwork that we have to get done before we can hop on that plane, which just means making the September appointment highly unlikely. The next appointment after that is Oct. 14 so we're hoping for that. (That week is not without major logistical difficulties but we're learning ever so clearly that our timing isn't God's and his is BEST.) So it means more waiting for us. It feels like it is getting harder to wait. That might have something to do with the fact that we have a little 2 year old who thinks she is pretty excited to have a brother and wants to hop on a plane NOW to go get him. We're glad for the excitement, but it is awfully hard to explain bureaucracy and paperwork and patience to a little girl.
But yesterday through a phone conversation with our case worker it became clear that short of a miracle, a really large miracle, we won't be leaving in September to bring Adisu home. The U.S. Embassy changed some rules and there are a couple more steps of paperwork that we have to get done before we can hop on that plane, which just means making the September appointment highly unlikely. The next appointment after that is Oct. 14 so we're hoping for that. (That week is not without major logistical difficulties but we're learning ever so clearly that our timing isn't God's and his is BEST.) So it means more waiting for us. It feels like it is getting harder to wait. That might have something to do with the fact that we have a little 2 year old who thinks she is pretty excited to have a brother and wants to hop on a plane NOW to go get him. We're glad for the excitement, but it is awfully hard to explain bureaucracy and paperwork and patience to a little girl.
Monday, August 31, 2009
This and That
1) We could use your prayers! Before we can buy plane tickets to get Adisu, he has to have all his documents in place. So pray that they get processed quickly! Also, it means that the price of tickets will be high as they will be a rather last minute purchase. Pray that we can find some tickets in our meager price range!
2) We did some rearranging on Saturday to make more room for Adisu. Nesting, perhaps? At least now we will be able to sit 4 at the table without pulling it out all the time.
3) Fuzzy Bear had an operation. He has been the recipient of so much love his poor neck had lost all its stuffing. So, just like Curious George had an operation, Fuzzy Bear had one too. Eirena helped Fuzzy Bear get some implants and then laid him down to rest because he was very tired. She takes such good care of him.
4) We have had weather with temperatures under 100F yesterday and today. It was so nice! Our windows are open and the A/C is off. Dare I mention that it is supposed to be a high of only 96F and for that we are excited?
5) I've been going through our pictures to create an album to take to Adisu. So here's my question: if you are trying to introduce your new child to you and your family, what pictures/sort of pictures would you include in the album, keeping in mind that you won't be able to explain them to him?
So far I have pictures of us hiking, camping, reading, playing in the mud, the animals, & Eirena sacked out on Dr. Daddy (to show that sleeping is ok with us). What else would you include?
2) We did some rearranging on Saturday to make more room for Adisu. Nesting, perhaps? At least now we will be able to sit 4 at the table without pulling it out all the time.
3) Fuzzy Bear had an operation. He has been the recipient of so much love his poor neck had lost all its stuffing. So, just like Curious George had an operation, Fuzzy Bear had one too. Eirena helped Fuzzy Bear get some implants and then laid him down to rest because he was very tired. She takes such good care of him.
4) We have had weather with temperatures under 100F yesterday and today. It was so nice! Our windows are open and the A/C is off. Dare I mention that it is supposed to be a high of only 96F and for that we are excited?
5) I've been going through our pictures to create an album to take to Adisu. So here's my question: if you are trying to introduce your new child to you and your family, what pictures/sort of pictures would you include in the album, keeping in mind that you won't be able to explain them to him?
So far I have pictures of us hiking, camping, reading, playing in the mud, the animals, & Eirena sacked out on Dr. Daddy (to show that sleeping is ok with us). What else would you include?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
We passed!
Yay! Celebrate and praise God with us- we passed court yesterday.
Now on to getting immigration papers ready to bring our little guy home. Adisu Mathias is ours (at least in Ethiopia!)
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Tomorrow is only a day away!
August 19th is our big day! Not only is it Dr. Daddy's birthday, but it is also the day our case goes before the court in Ethiopia. If we pass tomorrow, we will have a SON! Please take a moment to pray for our case, the judge and especially our little boy.
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