Mysterious Ways

I truly believe God wants us to go on this adoption journey. There are too many reasons why we shouldn't be doing it- if we looking from an earthly perspective. It is so easy to get overwhelmed by the details. Through it I keep reminding myself that if this truly is God's will, as I believe it is, he will open doors.

Probably the biggest "trusting point" with the adoption is, "where on earth is the money going to come from?" (The answer... it isn't going to come from earth, really.) I know God will provide us with the money, if he wants us to bring home a child. But it is so hard to FULLY believe that to be true. Or perhaps it is just letting go of the controls and REALLY letting God display his mysterious ways.

Allow me to be more specific: we don't have the money for the adoption. I researched and researched places to apply for grants (usually Christian organizations) that help people adopt. Well after culling through all grants, to ones that fit our specific situations, I started writing letters and applying. I wrote to one, the letter was sent back "undeliverable, no forwarding address". I wasn't too surprised because there was not a lot of information on that particular organization. A while later, I was applying for another grant. I needed a question answered, so I emailed them (after looking extensively at their website and application materials). Their response: we're not accepting applications at this time, please try back later. Another one down. I did more research and found a new grant organization I hadn't seen before. I got all the application materials together. I mailed in the application. Yesterday I got a letter back. "Undeliverable, no forwarding address". Just to quadruple check the address, I went to this organization's website, the address was correct (for what they listed), but between the time I applied and today (about 2 weeks) they updated their website to say they are not accepting applications at this time. That doesn't leave us with a whole lot of other places to apply.

Part of me is very frustrated. Part of me realizes that if God wants this to happen, he WILL provide the money. He doesn't have to do it in the ways I think it would happen. He doesn't have to do it in the ways other people think it should happen. I need to focus on not just saying I trust he will provide, but letting go of the control I feel I should have over the process.