Over the past year, but more specifically the past 6 months, I have had quite the opportunity to reflect on our adoption by God, learning how amazing God's love is for us.
We adopted Adisu in August and brought him home in November of 2009. So he has lived with us as his parents for 6 months. In one sense he acknowledges us as his parents. He calls us "mommy" and "daddy". But in another sense he is not securely attached (to use the technical term) to us. He is still waiting, keeping his options open.
In other words, he doesn't fully accept us as his parents. He doesn't desire and long for us as his parents. He hasn't let himself fully explore the wonders of having a family and being a fully communing member of our family. He sort of stays on the edges. He does what it takes to get what he feels his needs are, but fully yielding... letting himself be vulnerable to love, no not yet. He likes to try to exert control over us. He wants to do things his way and show that he doesn't really need us. We are teaching him that in fact, all good things basic to life come from (or through) us, because we are his parents. We are teaching him that is fun to be part of a family. From six months ago, I think we have made considerable progress, but we're not fully attached yet.
I freely admit that we have made mistakes in our teaching him these things. We are learning. So is he. And so through adopting him I see myself as a child adopted by God, unwilling to fully trust Him. And I see how utterly amazing God's grace is, in that while I resist, I want to do things my way, he still loves me. I can be utterly obnoxious and he may discipline me, but he does not send me back to where I came from. He longs for the day when I truly live and act like a part of his family; when I desire that intimacy rather than am frightened by it. No matter how many times I run away, he is ready to forgive.
I look at Adisu and I see myself in so, so many ways. I look at God as my father and I see how much I have been given as his child. I look at myself as Adisu's mother and see how far I have to go in showing God's love to him. I look at God as my adoptive father and see his grace.
I fear I'm not expressing this very cogently. But trust me, it is an amazing thing to ponder, especially when you have a current example in your life.
We adopted Adisu in August and brought him home in November of 2009. So he has lived with us as his parents for 6 months. In one sense he acknowledges us as his parents. He calls us "mommy" and "daddy". But in another sense he is not securely attached (to use the technical term) to us. He is still waiting, keeping his options open.
In other words, he doesn't fully accept us as his parents. He doesn't desire and long for us as his parents. He hasn't let himself fully explore the wonders of having a family and being a fully communing member of our family. He sort of stays on the edges. He does what it takes to get what he feels his needs are, but fully yielding... letting himself be vulnerable to love, no not yet. He likes to try to exert control over us. He wants to do things his way and show that he doesn't really need us. We are teaching him that in fact, all good things basic to life come from (or through) us, because we are his parents. We are teaching him that is fun to be part of a family. From six months ago, I think we have made considerable progress, but we're not fully attached yet.
I freely admit that we have made mistakes in our teaching him these things. We are learning. So is he. And so through adopting him I see myself as a child adopted by God, unwilling to fully trust Him. And I see how utterly amazing God's grace is, in that while I resist, I want to do things my way, he still loves me. I can be utterly obnoxious and he may discipline me, but he does not send me back to where I came from. He longs for the day when I truly live and act like a part of his family; when I desire that intimacy rather than am frightened by it. No matter how many times I run away, he is ready to forgive.
I look at Adisu and I see myself in so, so many ways. I look at God as my father and I see how much I have been given as his child. I look at myself as Adisu's mother and see how far I have to go in showing God's love to him. I look at God as my adoptive father and see his grace.
I fear I'm not expressing this very cogently. But trust me, it is an amazing thing to ponder, especially when you have a current example in your life.
5 comments:
Thanks for sharing this, Jeannette. It's very beautiful.
Love this. Praying for the day when it all clicks.
I think it makes perfect sense. . .and like us, he's probably more willing to be a part of your family when everything is going his way. I think most of us are "good children" when life is good, but when life is tough, we tend to forget our faith, etc. Good comparison--thanks for the words, and I hope the attachment continues to improve.
great thoughts! I love it when we can see God's relationship to us through our kids. Hope Adisu will soon feel comfortable enough to fully enjoy being a member of your family.
What wonderful insight He has given you thru Adisu! I understood you perfectly ... make no apology for your "theology" as this IS what faith (understanding) grows from. NEAT!
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