A little bit of honesty

You may wonder why I don't post as frequently as I used to (or maybe you didn't notice). You may wonder why most of my stories involve Eskil or Eirena and not Adisu. The honest truth is, he still isn't much fun to be around and he is emotionally draining to the point that I often don't have the emotional energy to blog. There. I said it. (I realize this doesn't come as a great surprise to some of you.)
We have been seeing a counselor with Adisu to try and work on his attachment disorder and anger issues. Or maybe it is to help us parent him better inspite of himself. If it is the former I doubt it is working. If it is the latter, I think it is working. But Adisu's behavior has also changed. Many adoption books talk about the outright disobedience and defiance when a child first comes home. We didn't have that so much. We had the passive-aggressive control battles and unresponsiveness. (In some ways that is one step further away from attachment.) But only now, over a year later, are we starting to get some blatant defiance. After mentioning this to our counselor, he suggested that it is actually a move in the right direction because Adisu is feeling safe enough to defy us. And that means coming up with some new parenting strategies.
To help with that I was googling "attachment disorder" again trying to re-read tips and tricks for the new level we're at. I came across this website that I felt was a wonderful description of Adisu and most of his behaviors. (Feel free to read it if you're into child psychology at all. ) It also gave suggestions on how to parent with AD children's issues. Some we knew and implemented already, some worded things in a different way to make them more accessible to us. In the end though, what he (and we) need is time (and prayer). Attachment Disorder isn't cured overnight, or in many instances, one year or two... and in some resilient children even three (or more!). It is hard. It is exhausting. It is frustrating beyond belief. It opens you up for criticism from all kinds of people- well intentioned and just plain nosy. And to some extent, I understand... if I didn't experience this first hand, I would find it hard to believe too.
But Dr. Daddy and I know that God has called us to this. That he wants us to parent this child. That he is transforming us, humbling us, refining us. And while things are tiring there are still things of beauty in our lives, be it friends that come along aside and encourage us; ask us to go out for coffee; people that pray and ask for specifics on how to pray; Dr. Daddy putting the kids to bed so I can go work out; and Eirena and Eskil being fairly laid back and adding a lot of humor into our lives. It just means that there isn't a lot of fun to write about with Adisu- yet. But love hopes and perseveres so maybe one day ...